I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He has the fingertips of a God
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
