its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
