he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
