This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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