the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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