Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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