my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
