I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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