my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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