There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
