Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
