Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
