I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize