I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
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