"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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