you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
