ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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