I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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