So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
