What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
