My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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