im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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