I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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