Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
