I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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