My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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