your thong is hanging out like whoa
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
