Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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