im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
