I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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