Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize