i wish my penis had a tongue
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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