Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
