we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
