Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
