she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
