The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
