after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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