this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
