Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
