Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
