You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize