I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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