If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
