my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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