Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
