On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
