I haven't been this sober since birth.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
