If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
