I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
