My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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