It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
