I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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