Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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