Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize