I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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