Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
