your room smells of hookers.
And success
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
