He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
