I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
