you guys were way drunker than both of me
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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