watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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