Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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