This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
