I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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