rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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