he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
