It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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