I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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