I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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