Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
