wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
