i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
