I think i peed on brittanys purse
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
